Oh wow! It's already December 31, and just minutes before another start of a year. Time flew... But this time, I flew along with it.
So, where do I begin? Where do I start telling my 2015 feels because let me tell you they were a lot?
Perhaps, I should tell you first what I wasn't able to accomplish. That would be a great start, right?
So, let's see...
I wasn't able to be the blogger that I wanted to become. I still don't have enough followers in my social media accounts. I wanted to tell you that this doesn't matter to me, but let's not kid ourselves... But more than the followers, I actually wanted to be able to meet people and inspire them with my stories --- how fashion and style helped me be who I am today --- someone who really knows herself, that's why she's indestructible.
I wasn't promoted. I didn't become a manager, a position, a role I've been working hard for these couple of years. The future in terms of my career turned bleak all of a sudden, and I'm currently trying to survive this thunderstorm... I honestly don't know what's going to happen in a few months. Ironic really, since I've declared this year that this chapter of my life was going great.
I wasn't able to pay off all of my debts. I, unfortunately, still cannot concentrate on my goals since I've been stressing on my bills. Typical adult problem, right? I enjoyed life too much that it caught up on me. I honestly were lectured about this ever since I was little --- to not create this mistake. But, I did. After years of saying to myself that I was not that person, I guess, I also am.
I wasn't able to become the daughter that I want my parents to have or the sister that I want my younger sibling to look up to. I wasn't able to provide for them financially and emotionally, and we fight; we fight a lot. I wasn't able to keep my cool around them. Instead, I threw tantrums after tantrums that they never really deserve.
I wasn't able to achieve the body that I really want, or the confidence in showing off my natural beauty. I wasn't able to be more spontaneous or fun or less emotional. I wasn't able to find love or even get a date. I also wasn't able to go to Church every Sunday or pray every night... I wasn't... Well, I wasn't a lot of things.
But, that's okay.
I have to forgive myself for these things, as they come as part and parcel of my life. Not achieving them don't make me a failure. They make me hopeful that there is still another year to make these things my reality. 2016 is definitely coming.
But, let's not forget what 2015 gave me for they were plenty. This year had been crazy... crazy epic.
To start off, I am still a blogger and I will continue on in spite of any setback. I did a few photo shoot this year, and I was so happy with the result. I'm still a bit lax in posting them, but I'm bringing back the energy this 2016. I changed my website layout on my own this 2015, re-did my Instagram and Facebook accounts, recently opened an online shop for my pre-loved clothes, edited my wardrobe and closet, became more open and honest in my blog posts, traveled, and gained more support.
Career-wise, I am still excelling on my job. Even without a clearer view of my journey in my current company, I am still giving more than a hundred percent on my work, and our customers and leaders are still noticing my effort. I gained three incredible mentors who are helping me deal with professional and personal issues. Moreover, I have the trust of the people I'm working and leading with.
In terms of my finances, well, I still have some debts that I badly wanted to pay off, so I can add more into my savings. I've had my lowest point this year because of this, so I definitely learned my lesson. I forgave myself for it as well. And, I realized that this problem, it's not bigger than me. One of my goals this 2016 is to pay off everything so I can focus on my dreams. I can do this. I know I can because I am responsible and I am me, and the me will get this handled.
Moreover, one of the highlights of the year was about my family. I finally understood them and where they were coming from. As hard as it is for me, I am letting things go and not let them bother me --- to be satisfied and think of the things we have instead of those that we don't. I celebrated important events in our lives with my family, and let them be my priorities. I chose them and I will continue on choosing them. I am not the best daughter or sister, but I am trying because I love them too much.
Lastly, this 2015, I made it out alive. I received countless attacks coming from myself, other people, the world even, and I realized that because I know myself, I am indestructible. I never realized how important this is until I was having those sleepless nights of overthinking, of pitying myself, and deciding that hey, this is not me, so bugger off. I am proud of myself and who I am becoming a lot. I am happy and I am grateful. I've faced a lot of challenges this year and I stood to fight and not surrender. I chose life, and I am living it the way I want it. I am still scared, but that is okay. Being terrified makes me cling more to God. He is still my Everything --- my Tatay.
You know, 2015 was a blur in all honesty. But, in those 365 days, I lived. I am thankful.
So to properly end this year, I would like to thank all of you for supporting me and for reading my posts. I created this blog as a testament to myself that I am not living in my what-ifs any longer; I am living in my dreams. And, somehow, you welcomed me in your life. You are sharing all of these with me, and I am truly grateful.
Let's work on our dreams together. Here's to being infinite, guys! I love you all.